i am mojo!

O hai I has not posted 4ever becaus nothing inneresting has happened here until SUNDAY, wen you will not bleeve wat happened.

I CAUT 2 MICE.

For reelz. We can has teh mice in teh pantry for a little wile now, I can hear them thru teh heating vents and has been carefully monitering teh situashun and on Sunday my preparation met luck wech you know means teh result was SUCKSESS. I caut one in teh afternoon and surprised dad who nearly fell down with shock as nobody around here bleeves I am teh badass tomcat I am. He told mom and she was equally shocked and skeptikal, nobody around here gives me any credit I tell you wat.

So when Mighty Hunter caut ANOTHER mouse after dinner I knew exackly wat to do, I would bring it to mom as a surprise gift and impress her hugely. Not only that I even brout it to her still wiggling so she would know it was really fresh.

She was certainly surprised. In fact she screemed so loud and so long I fled to teh bathroom so mai eardrums didn't brake. She screemed for dad to come and see the amazing mouse, wech apparently took advantage of her screemen to try to make a couple of breaks for it and he ran up the stairs nearly as fast as I do. Then to my shock and appall, they flushed the nearly-dead mous down teh toilet like so much cat poop "to put the poor thing out of its misery". Try given something nice to these neandertalls. Never again I tell you.

I only wishes Veronica, who often  commented rather unkindly on my perceived haplessness and lack of any appreciable skills or talents, was  here to eat som metaforical crow and admit that I AM A WARRIOR.

Listening at the pantry door,

mojo

Oh HAI my peeps! I has been offline for long time becas I has been so busy. Teh new regeem I has been on to keep me hale and harty has taken up much of my time. I was goen to teh vetimenariam weekly for my spa treetments, wech was goin very well until my stupid staff decided to onse again take a THIS TIME UNAUTHORIZED trip to QBA, a small Caribbean nation of which I am teh Commandante en Jefe, as you all know. I did not appprove or sanction teh trip sins as far as I can tell my delegate, RAUL, is doen good job of runnen plase in my absense as I can see by keepen abrest of diplomatik cables from my extensive network of CATS in QBA.

NEWai, they insisted it was v. important for them to go to Qba on trip which coensided suspishously with comen of Catnadian cold season and I went to stay at CAT SPA weth cat lady. But on Monday I got to feelen pretty bad and THROWED UP sevral times wech I usually only does onse. And cat lady called "vet on call" Monday nite and took me to see Dr. Debbie next day. And they did more tests on my magnificent self (Dr. Debbie said "Why don't we wait until his stoopid hooman staff come back to do teh tests- " and Cat Lady said "Oh just do teh damned tests!" That is why my staff leave me at teh CAT SPA while they is away, Cat Lady is all about teh cats and damn teh hoomans.)

So everybody desided I needed to have teh SPA TREATMENTS (wech involves me gettin FLOOUD under my skin) more than onse a week, and that is when my incompetent staff came back from Qba and desided that - u r not goin to bleeve this - desided that THEY would learn to do my SPA TREATMENTS at home as they figgered it was less stressful for me to do it 3-4 times a week at home, not goin to Dr. Debbie's.

"EXCUSE ME," I sed when they tried it teh first time. "Is this Amateur Hour? Where are teh vet techs? Why isn't any1 wearin scrubs? Why are ur hands shaken?" Mostly I sed "DO NOT WANT" and tried to make that clear teh first, second, therd time. "I WANT TO SEE SOME EVIDENSE OF TRAINEN IN VETIMENARIAN ARTS!`` All of whech protests was ignored. However, they got better at it and not quite as stoopid and weth teh weather changen, it occurred to me that it was kind of nicer to do it in 7 minuts at home, and was kinda more comfy than haven to get in my carrier, go to Dr. Debbie`s offise, and come back home in teh cold, 3-4 times a week. So we has reached a kind of de tent, where I allows them to do it without too much fuss (it doesn`t feel v. uncomfortable, but I sure acts like it does for reasons of manipulashion) and they does it without too much psychological trawma to them.

Also, it was Chrissmass! I got a ball and a spring and a mouse (not a real one I SUPPOSE THAT WOULD BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONE YEAR). So we all had v. merry Chrissmas and momanddad are home all this week to hang out with. So MERRY CHRISSMAS and HAPPY HOLLYDAYS to all my peeps and ur families. I`m goin to curl up in my little cat bed next to teh heating grate behind teh bathroom door and dream about tomorrow, wech will if experience holds be even better than today.

yrs healthily,

mojo

In wech my dad videyotapes me being incrediblly awesome in my pursoot of a small packet of catnip from teh CAT SPA, which is teh purvayors of teh finest nip anywhere, ever.



It turns out my vet, Dr. Debbie, has recently started offerin spa service as well and I goes regularly for an exotic hydrashun treatment wech I believe is Scandalnavian in origin. This may be why they requested my vital essences earlier, to customize teh service. Anyway it is nice staff is steppin up to teh plate and ensuring I get the full range of services I deserv.

yrs rompingly,

mojo

I runs up teh stairs faster than any cat ever did. Ever.



yrs speedily,

Mojo

Hai, my peeps! I has not posted for longtime. That is partly because I was on extended, two-week vacashun at teh CAT SPA where I is treated like a Prince and given the run of teh place, which is only appropriate. Once again I sent my diplomatick staff to Qba, once again they did v. poor job of intelligense gatherin except that they did bring back v. important classified information about rise of IGUaNA PARTY, an upstart group of scaly malcontents who may be considerin challengin my benevolent rule of one small island nation of 11,000,000 hoomans, 500,000 cats (estimate) and paltry few dozen iguanas. As per my estimations.

The confidential top-seekret intelligense files shows several of these idiotic reptiles-slash-dinosaurs with branes teh size of walnuts walking around being mysterious. I am putting my crack team of in-country operatives on the job survaylin survaillin watchen these inferior creetures. The files also include several hundred photografs of hoomans in states of little or no dress, and an unaccountable number of photos of my diplomatick staff smiling behind elaborate beverages. Their strategic value is zero. However expeck to see them soon on Wikileaks.

My diplomatick staff are clearly idiots and not to be trusted in a country where, according to their filed written reports, alcoholic beverages range in acquisition price from 1 convertible qban peso to "free".

Apparently I have ordered significant changes to teh economy of Qba, which I don't remember doin but I often don't remember doin things so I will take their word for it. My operatives tell me that reaction to these changes is mixed, which I blame on poor message control by stupid hooman diplomatick/communications staff.

I have been feelin a little punk lately so at my direction on Tuesday stupid incompetent diplomatick staff took me to see Dr. Debbie, world's greatest vet, where i deigned to aquiese to their request to sample some of my amazing tiger blood. I am assumin they want my DNA to create a master feline race and I am okay with that. I'm feelin quite a bit better tonight so may draft some policy positions for Qba. Must remember to note it in my Outlook calendar so I don't forget again.

yrs contemplatively,

mojo

Fonzie's man sent me this picture of Fonzie, the inter-dimensional cat, acting as teh world's most noble plate warmer.

Doesn't he look noble?

It made me smile.

Also I had wet fud for supper tonight.

So things are getting better a little bit at a time.

yrs healingly,

mojo

My sister, Veronica, has gone back to Nature.

And that is all I has to say about that.

yrs,

mojo

HAi EVERYBODY and MERRY CRISSMAS and HAPPY NOO YEAR! I has been too busy to post over teh Holidays it is just such busy time! But I read something today that I has to share with you about 1 lost kitten getten his FOREVER HOME because Deputy Shawn Keeffe is a SOOPERHERO! 

Read teh story for urselfs about how brave Deputy heard cry of one small orange kitten from his squad car and bein teh SOOPERHERO he is, he stopped to see if any creeture needed assistance. And how teh ensuin crazy chase involved 2 squad cars and 4 Deputy SOOPERHEROES tryin to save scared kitten.

And then read the very best part - how teh kitten found his forever home with you'll never guess who. When she saw teh photo accompanyin teh story my Momsed "O boi Mojo, if Deputy Shawn Keeffe is single now he will not be for long."

HAPPY NOO YEAR EVERYONE here's hopin that in 2011 every cat finds his FOREVER HOME!

yrs optimistically,
mojo

HAI MY PEEPS I have been maken many posts lately bcause there has been so much goen on! A couple of weeks ago me and stupid sister Veronica went to PET PHOTOS WITH SANTA CLAWS wech we does every single year. This year it was in new plase Shur-Gain FEEDS N NEEDS pet store, wech good for them they also donates all teh dry food for all the Fredericton ESS PEE CEE AY animules, did u know that? That makes them Sooperheroes.

As usual there was random assortment of other animules there, nothen too speshul this time just some other kittehs and some big, stinky, smelly, drooly GOGGIES wech do not impress me much (except for Miko the dog, he can't help it he was born a dog, but he has moved to TEH NORTH and was not at PET PHOTOS WITH SANTA).

Veronica seemed to be goen for "Mad Cat Who Could Go Off at Any Minute and Must Be Restrained By The Throat" wech she pulled off quite well. I desided to look v. intrepid and serious as befits benevolent overlord of small Caribbean nation. You can see the intrepid in my eyes. Acshually I was goen for "Benevolent Overlord of Small Caribbean Nation who has been Tragically Let Down by his Inner Circle Staff and Feels the Weight of Leadership v. Heavily on his Shoulders". I believe this photo will be used in many of the biographies wech will be written about me.

This of course means CHRISSMASS IS COMEN and already packages is appearen and Mom is spendin many hours rappin presents. Next CRISSMASS TREE appears, it is one of my favourite parts except for TURKEY. And presents. For me.

Yrs seasonally,

mojo

Hai, my peeps, here is photo of sneaky, speshully-trained SPESHUL OPS QBA CAT, one of my operatives who was moniterin my diplomatick team while they was on diplomatick mission in small Caribbean country under my benign overlordship.

He is looken nonshalant while secretly observin diplomatick team who, he reports, was DRINKEN and CAROUSIN with bunch of JAMACANS when I specifickally told them to look for and get intelligence from RUSSIANS. Who I has been readin is key diplomatick ally of QBA. Althou I am only about halfway through readen DIPLOMATICK CABLES from WIKILEAKS whech is where I am gettin a considerable amount of my intelligence info these days.

I am thinking about firin them both and seeking replasement agents (Ant Sinthia is high on my list) but there are complicashuns involving them owning my current headquarters and suchandsuch. Will report on strategic plannen progress.

Bein a world leader is hard, I tell you! It's hard!

yrs strategically,

mojo

So as I mentioned earlier, I met loveliest girl at teh CAT SPA, her name  was CLOWEY and she was beautiful SIMESE cat. She had gorgeous Asian kind of face and BLOO EYES wech I has never seen on a cat. And a fearful symmatry.

We became fast frends and spent entire week that my hapless diplomatic team spent in QBA hanging out and playin with each other because CAT LADY Elaine let us out of our condos every day to play together. She was opposite of MEAN SISTER VERONICA who is no good whatsoever at playen.

She was awesome neat fun and it was teh best vacashun of my life.

Maybe I will ask stupid human staff to axe CAT LADY Elaine when CLOWEY will be at teh cat spa again. I could use another vacashun.

yrs nostalgically,

mojo

Hai, my peeps! I has been away at CAT SPA, where I is treated to the lifestyle to which I deserves to become accustomed. And met a young Lady of whom I became most fond, we was an item I tell you what. But more about that later. In teh meantime, one of my agents in teh SOUTHERN YOO ESS used his special ops trainen which I gave him to put teh boots to not one, but TWO ALLEYGATORS. Watch and be amazed:



As you will see, first he STARED DOWN first alleygator, which is disgustin creatures wech has not hardly evolved from teh DINOSORS. Then when that disgusten creature left, he came back with a friend (not unknown tactic among low-life types) and my agent RAN TEH BOTH OF THEM OFF wech is what I would expeck from one of my special ops agents. And then goes to get some luv from his HOOMIN who is enormously grateful that CAT saved him from disgusten dinosor carnivores.

Fear not, I will ensure he gets COMMENDATION from his commanding offiser.

yrs bravely,

mojo

So this cat Stewie has laid claim to teh title of WORLD'S LONGEST CAT.

He lives in Nevada and is NORWEGIAN cat but it appears nobody has asked him to show papers to prove his legal status in teh US so I guess he has not been apprehended in teh potential commission of no crime of any sort.

I just wants to say this Stewie guy is teh POSEUR. He is no way no how teh WORLD'S LONGEST CAT. I know this intimately because I, Mojo, Commandante en Jefe, am, in fact, teh WORLD'S LONGEST CAT. I knows this because meandDad does "BIG STRETCH" when he stretches me all teh way from his hands to teh floor and my peeps, I am teh LONGEST CAT EVER when this occurs. I would post fotographic evidense but Dad is away tonight in HALIFAX on BUSINESS (although when last heard from he was at TEH SPLIT CROW wech momses is not where business is yousually conducted but it is after all after hours), So I will have to post evidence in future.

As for those Ginniss people who certified his claim? I has it on good authority that they is BEER people and everybody knows that you has to take what people says after a few beers with a big grain of salt. So there.

yrs lengthily,

mojo

Hai, my peeps, I am happy to be comen to you today with V. IMPORTANT INFORMATION. MyMom pointed out to me that Teh Man, teh person who takes care of mai good friend Fonzie, had made some posts on his blog about recent trip to IREland. Most importantly he had made this post just for meeeee! about the Queen of IREland, teh beautiful and wise and black&white (and now a little red) Bothy Cat, who lives at place called Teh Bothy I do not know why it is called that.

We met teh Bothy Cat teh last time teh Fonzie people went to IREland and to tell u the truth she kind of stole a lot of hearts around here. Not mine of course as I is rangy ol' tomcat who does not lose my heart to no one I am speaking of a friend of mine who lost his heart to her. And my friend was v. happy to see picture of older, wiser, still v. beautiful Bothy Cat in Mr. Fonzie Person's blog.

yrs ecstatically,

mojo

Hai my peeps, I am so sorry I has not posted for about 1 + 1/2 months, It has just been so quiet here with summer sunbeams and suchandsuch. I will have interestin information to post soon I promis you. Just to update we is all here and all okay, MomandDad and stupid sister Veronica. We has all been sleepin in summer sunbeams and watchen urban animules like squirrels and pigeons through the windos and OMG! Did I mention teh BIG RACCOONS is back in teh backyard? They sets off teh motion-detector-light on teh bach porch and they is ENORMOUS! Momses they is as big as a dog and twise as dangerous. So we is not to go into teh backyard to ENGAGE them. But we can taunt them through teh windos.

Which I does.

Regularly.

yrs tauntingly,

Mojo

Firefighter Scott MacKellar is a SOOPERHERO!

In Halifax, where MomandDad often visits, poor SEAGULL got confused by foreshortenin and suchandsuch and got his wing IMPALED on church lightenin rod! OMG poor seagull!

He was stuck up there with lightenen rod stuck through his wing and peoples on their way to work saw him and CALLED 911! And SOOPERHERO Halifax FIREFIGHTERS came with the big firetruck with the big aerial ladder and Firefighter SCOTT MACKELLER went up on teh ladder at no little risk to himself and RESCUED TEH SEAGULL! And they took him to vet who pronounced no broken bones and no permanent injury and then took him to amazen people at Hope for Wildlife animule rehabilitation fasility and they will REHABILLITATE seagull.

Some hoomans don't have much time for seagulls. I know I has had my own problems with them. Like pigeons, whech some urban dwellers calls "rats with wings", they is oobiquitus around Halifax and is considered nuisance cause they poops all over everything. Plus they is sneeky. So I thinks that it speeks v. well of the good citizens of Halifax that they took teh time to notice, and teh time to call for help, and teh city committed teh resources, and FIREFIGHTER SCOTT MACKELLAR risked life and limb, to save such a little scrap of life as this.

Seagull will be back to bein sneeky and thievin things again in no time I hopes.

yrs happily,

mojo

OMG saw most distressin news story this ay em about BEAR near Tunder Bay Ontario, got BIG PLASTIC JAR stuck on his head! Poor bear! Couldn't eat, couldn't drink no water! And they couldn't catch him! O NOES! He had it on his head for proximately TWO WEEKS!

Then tonight mom was driven home from GROCERY STORE and she heard ONTARIO CONSERVATION GUY say that they had FOUND TEH JAR and based on where it was found and its condition (it was v. v. dented and scratched) it had 2 be teh same jar. Also had large clump of BLACK FUR inside. So bear got it off his head.

He will be v. hungry and thirsty after proximately 2 weeks with jar on head! I hope he has a good dinner tonight.

Oh pee ess PUT THE LIDS ON UR JARS when you throws them out or sends em to recyclin. The yummy smell of whatever was in them ATTRACTS ANIMULES!

yrs relievedly,

mojo

My peeps, I has just read artikle that brought tears to my eyes about NOWZAD, organization tryin to save kittehs and goggies in Irak and Afganistan. It started with a group of BRITISH TROOPS who could not abandon teh poor animules they saw in grave danger in those countries and took them in and took care of them. And eventually there was so many (they got no spayin or nooterin in Irak and Afganistan u know) they was forced to get organized and figger out how to take care of them properly. So they connected with ANIMULE RESCUE in teh north of the country and also figgered out how to arrange, by hook or by crook, to transfer some of teh animules to ENGLAND and AMERICA (prolly Catnada too altho it isn't mentioned on teh website) to be adopted into their onetruehomes.

They also rescues DONKEYS wech is poor hard-worken animules in Irak and Afcanistan, also they has a program where people can make CAPS to protec donkeys poor heads from rough homemade harnesses and send them to NOWZAD to be distributed to donkeys.

These peeps are AMAZIN! In teh face of v. v. difficult conditions when their v. LIVES is in danger, they has found within themselfs teh compassion to care for - and help - teh most helpless of teh helpless. THEY ARE SOOPERHEROES. Donate to them. I am goen to tell my Mom to, you bet.

yrs gratefully,

mojo

Well, my peeps, this was fairly inevitable, given my notoriety fame. Some scientist types has had teh wisdom to name a NEWLY DISCOVERED DINOSAR after me, Mojo, El Jefe.

"While all ceratopsids have frills on the tops of their skulls, 'Mojoceratops is the most ostentatious,' Longrich said,"

See? It is like looken into teh paleontological MIRROR.

I has never been to Sasquatchawan or Alberto, although MomandDad has and says they is real places with real dinosars, but I am glad my fame has spread there, and also to YALE YOONIVERSITY, which parently made this wise decision.

yrs paleontologically,

mojo

Okay my peeps, significant developments @ casa mojo last week. MomandDad went for vacashun to Momshome NEW FOUND LAND whech I guess they just found recently, for MOM'S DAD's BIRFDAY PARTY. Mom is old so Mom's Dad must be REALLY OLD. I thot for sure she'd take the grandkids but quel surprise, left behind again. With NO FOOD and NO WATER just to survive by our own wits (of which, only one of us cats has any, guess who).

THANK BAST that Ant Sinthia heard about our plight (maybe she reads my twitter feed) and she came and RESCUED US and visited us every day our irresponsible parents was gallivantin on teh Rock. I had missed her so much! She feeds us MUCH BETTER than MomandDad does. I think I gained a kilo and I think maybe Veronica gained 12. Ant Sinthia is by far best cat friend ever, better even than teh Cat Lady at teh spa.

Sooo, had the whole house to ourselves for like 4 days and that was pretty cool. We STILL don't have Animal Planet on teh GIGANTIC TV (I TOLD THEM TO ORDER IT) but watched lots of shows featuring CATS including many dockumentaries abt. wild JUNGLE CATS of S. America and AFRICA to which I am toadally related. Also: walked on kitchen counters, scratched couch with impoonityy, and randomly smacked each other for noreason, with nobody sayin "Mojo! Veronica! Don't do that!"

So all in all a v. good weekend.

O! Happy Catnada Day and 4th of July to all my peeps!!!

patriotically,

mojo