April 25th, 2007

mojo's par-tay day

Well I know you're interested in knowen about my time in charge of the old homestead here, it was pretty exciten, I'll tell you what. First thing I had to do was lay down the law to Veronica known also as Ronnie, so I told her in no uncertain terms that my word was law and that she would report nothing of what she saw or heard to momanddad when they got back as I am a young fellow and prone to sow my wild oats. Then she smked me for noreason and said if she understood it correctly the law was that we would compromise and if she didn't snitch on my activeties I would not snitch on hers and also she would not beat me senseless. I said yes, that is a fairly accurate paraphrase so we had An Understanden. 

So it was that I began plannen the Cool Cat Party of the Year in cats neighbourhood. 

Let's see there was Zooey from across the street, also Charlene with the pink collar, Lisa the cat who hangs out in the cemetary, Bodhi (the cat with the burnt-out hippie parents), Ol' One-Eyed Mittens, Big Ralphie, Little Ralphie, Gimpy, Nan'scat Haven and of course Ant Cynthia's Sam, and around 30 more. Inviten Sam was double bonus cause he is coolest elder cat and also Ant Cynthia never even knew he got out through patio doors but he could give us reports on her comens and goens so no illisit activity got caught and reported back to Momanddad. 

Of course we invited Marley, the reggaeman's cat. Marley is 2nd coolest cat in town, knows where to get all the best catnip. He came with v. large plastic baggie of awesome catnip whech we poured onto a garbage bag and rolled in and the party commenced. 

There were some awesome tunes on the stereo and Big Ralphie and Little Ralphie were playing Bottle Cap Hockey and Ol' One-Eyed Mittens was laffen really hard but couldn't remember why. Puffy was in the rocking chair sayin, "Man, have you ever looked at your paw? I mean, really looked at your paw? Dewclaws, man. What's that about?" 

Bodhi and Charlene had a discussion on Bodhi's theory that there is a home planet where we are in charge of everytheng and the humans don't get to make no desisions and if so how do we get there? I think it was that conversation that started to freak Zooey out just a little bit. It started out innosently enough with Zooey sayin to me, "Do you think that's true? Do you think that's true?" I just said, "Dude I don't know Zooey, chill, have a tostido". 

But a little later on he told me that ninja cats were in the back yard plotting to go to the Legislature building to steal the statue of Britannia from the roof and pin the blame on us, and then he announsed that he had joined the ninja cats and that he was going with them and afterwards they were taking the statue of Britannia and him too, to the Cat Home Planet; and I figgered it was best to keep him outa harms way for awhile, so I pushed him into the cubbyhole under the stairs and latched the door and said, "There you go this is the bus stop for the ninja bus, Bud, you just wait in there and they'll be along any second". And he said, "OK Boss". 

Somebody allowed as how we should order some pizza but nobody had no money, then somebody suggested we get some money but that didn't really evolve into a plan, per se. So somebody suggested we go down to Luna and steal some pizza but everybody was kind of too lethargic to go. So Charlene went into the kitchen to look for some pizza but all she could find was some crackers and some ketchup and some bean sprouts and some mozzerella cheese. I told her that when mom lived with her bestfriend, momsbestfriend had once tried eaten fried mozeralla and sprouts after attenden a Frank Zappa consert where there was a lot of catnip. So Charlene fried the mozzerella cheese and the sprouts and put it on top of the crackers. Which tasted even worse that you would think it would.  I forgot about mom tellen me that part.

So we were sitting there, listenen to Piper at the Gates of Dawn with some candles and the mood light on and playing a friendly game of Who's Neutered? when alla sudden Sam, who was sittin in window breathen fresh air and comen down from catnip high, said "Holy Bast, it's Mom!" 

"What?" Sure enough, it was Ant Cynthia comin down the street on a unscheduled late evening stroll past our house! Holy crap were we ever busted! We stuffed the catnip into the potted plant, blew out candles, threw the sprout-mozarella pizza crackers in the garbage plates and all, and crammed all 42 party guests into the back stairwell. Then I went upstares and woke up Ronnie. "It's Ant Cynthia!" I said. "You gotta help cover for me!" Just then I heard the key in the lock. We both ran downstairs, and Ronnie hit the "off" button on the stereo just as the door opened. 

"Hello! Are you still awake? I was just out to meet a friend and thought I'd stop in on my way home!" she said. I could feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as I waited for her to smell the pungent catnip fumes! Instead, she just gave us some pats and a few kibbles and continued on her way. 

"Gotta go beat the Mama home, boys!" Sam said as he bolted past me. The 41 other cats squashed into the back porch came in ("I think I'm pregnant again," Charlene complained) and, as everyone was hungry or sleepy by now, the party began to break up. Ronnie and I went upstares when the last guests left and curled up on momanddad's bed. 

"Thanks," I said. "For not ratting on me and for turning the stereo off." 

"De nada, my dimwitted little albatross." Ronnie said. "Don't forget tomorrow night it's my turn for my feminist feline poetry reading, 'The Tyranny of The Tomcat'. And don't accidentally touch me in your sleep. Not a toe." 

"Fair enough," I said, and fell into the kinda deep untroubled sleep that comes from knowen you are Man of the House and pulled off a pretty cool party. 

The next mornen I woke up to the sound of Ant Cynthia's key in the door. I trotted downstares and had my breakfast, and then surveyed my domain. I'd have to batten the hatches down pretty tight in one of the upstares rooms for that poetry readen tonight, that's for sure. Those gals have big claws. But battening down is sometimes the safest thing to do. 

And that's when I remembered Zooey. 

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